betteh awlreddie

i got an awesome visit from a friend who reads my blog after my last post. she showed up and took me out for chai and a chat, which was exactly what i needed. i know it was kinda passive-aggressive, only not aggressive at all :p - to post what amounts to a cry for help, but hey, asking for help any way is progress in and of itself.

backsliding is still better than heading into the deep dark pit of despair with no hope at all, because at least now i have some firm ideas of how to get back out, and i know i've done it before. that's supposed to sound hopeful, but it does still ring a little hollow. i'm not going to pretend that i just need to give myself a pep talk and i instantly feel better, but it does help a bit.

i stumbled via another blog, then a link to another, to another, etc, upon a blogger who also has SAD*, and he wrote about dragging his light out, as he's already feeling symptoms come on. it made me realise that much of what i've been feeling the last few weeks is probably in fact just that. symptoms of something i already have a diagnosis for. i've been so worried about my on-again-off-again appetite, my loss of interest in sex, my exhaustion, my headaches, my crying fits, thinking surely this must be a brain tumour after all, when really it all points to an early start to SAD season. i generally start using my light on the Equinox, and get my supplements and vitamins in order for then too, and it hit me that with 18 straight days of rain, followed by moping indoors, my brain has decided it is already autumn. so tomorrow morning when the cats ask for breakfast, i'm draggin my sorry ass out of bed to the couch to watch yoga and shine the SAD light on my face. it's a start.

*Seasonal Affective Disorder