eym grate aktewlie

i've got a problem with blogging. well with writing actually. if i start on something, and then stop, i really struggle to come back and pick up where i left off. this is not a recent phenomenon, but something that's been ongoing since as long as i can remember. it's one of the biggest roadblocks to finishing essays and such, because i feel the need to write the whole thing in on sitting. this worked well for shorter essays as a child, but as the assignments got longer, it became physically impossible to type that long without such things as food and sleep. even typing itself was a struggle, as i felt i couldn't type as fast as i think, and if i couldn't get it all down without pausing, i would surly miss something, and then i would need to start over again with a whole new train of thought. eventually this is something i want to work on, but for the time being, just typing as i think, and writing short pieces for the blog is enough.

this new-found ability to lower my standards and therefore allow myself to succeed has been wonderful. i've been plugging along with my exposure exercises, and making a big dent in my cache of stuff. it feels so good to be realistic about what i can accomplish, and what is realistic, and then to succeed! i've felt like a global failure off and on for so much of my life, the being able to say i'm successful at stuff is pretty awesome :) so today i'm just going to celebrate all the fabulous things i have accomplished since i started keeping track:

8 items posted or wanted ads replied to on my local freecycle group
9 shelves & drawers purged and reorganised
24 broken items fixed or thrown out
34 grocery bags of paper (old notes, junk mail, etc) recycled
7 craft projects finished completely!
8 home improvement projects completed
15 large bags of purged items thrown out or recycled
5 books & magazines given away or thrown out
10 items of clothing/shoes given away
6 cardboard boxes recycled
8 pet items thrown out or given away
16 old food items thrown out or given away
90 old emails deleted
6 loads of laundry put away entirely
4 surfaces (such as stovetop, counters) cleared off entirely
5 complete fridge purges!
19 rackloads of dishes
38 workouts or exercise classes
10 letters or cards written and sent
27 blog entries posted (i wrote a couple elsewhere)
5 complete cleanings of tub & shower
54 square feet of tile completely cleared and cleaned
5 borrowed items returned
1 gift put together & given
14 total purges of voice mailbox
19 bills paid in full/ debts settled

now that i've tackled some of the bigger areas of my hoarding (papers, correspondences, food) i'm working at doing a half hour of just straight sorting and purging each day, moving from room to room in my apartment. it's a bit easier now that there's a lot less stuff, but way more anxiety provoking, because there's just so much random stuff that i've accumulated over the years. it's getting easier to throw stuff out, but at the same time, i've done a lot of the easier stuff. there's a lot of tricky things now: craft stuff galore, bits of memorabilia, old paperwork... really though, as messy as it is as i look around right now, i know that most of the things are pretty superficially cluttered at the moment, as i decide where to put things and how to reorganise. overall there's a lot less stuff here, and i'm pretty damn proud of myself :) hurrah!