blessed autumnal equinox

as the wheel turns i start my preparations for the coming darkness by renewing my relapse prevention plan. every year the shorter days and gloomy skies threaten to pull me back into a seasonal depression, so every year i find it necessary to come up with a game plan that will help me stave off any gloomy moods and make it through the winter in one piece.

i started this morning by setting up my SAD light and checking the bulbs: everything operational. i also started back on my multi-vitamins, a habit i had let lapse recently. i’ve taken a month off of doing my self care charts (they track my eating habits, exercise, etc) because i was starting to get obsessive about it all, and that’s the exact opposite effect i want the practice to have on my life. i’ll be continuing the light therapy and multivitamins this week, then moving on to some more goals for each week until all are implemented. here’s this year’s plan:

* begin my day with 15-25 minutes of light therapy
* resume daily multi-vitamins with iron
* up intake of vitamin D supplement to 5 times per week (from current 3)
* resume daily self-care charts to keep self on track and identify weaknesses
* limit to 2 times per week nights awake after midnight
* resume Ativan use once per week to keep sleep schedule on track
* stock cupboards with packaged foods that require little or no preparation for days i am unable to cook & unmotivated to eat
* on days i am motivated to cook things such as soups & stews, make large batches & freeze portions for rough patches
* continue to set weekly social goals to keep me connected with loved ones – not just online, but in person & on phone too!
* keep bed reasonably clear of other stuff; change sheets & make bed regularly

i can see right now the sleep being the biggest challenge, at least in the near future. although i’ve been joking that i don’t foresee the novelty ever wearing off between my Muse and i, i am aware that at some point it will become possible for us to be in the same room without having to make a concerted effort to not ravish each other. when we get to that point we may actually get some decent sleep when we’re together. right now, however, once we get going sex rarely is less than a three hour adventure. wonderful, yes, sustainable, no. with my schedule i can afford to nap, but i dearly love this man & don’t really want to run him into the ground… at least not in the sense of utterly wearing him out… entirely…

so anyways, where was i? oh yeah. going to bed at a fairly regular time & keeping my bed a restful place to ensure some quality to my sleep is a big priority. though i can mostly manage this end, at his place i find it very easy to get carried away & forget my self-care on the physical level. on the plus side, my mental/emotional self-care is solid when i’m with him. he has a way of grounding me… even when he’s telling me i’m being ridiculous in some way, or letting my OCD take over, he’s utterly respectful, loving… plus finally i’ve managed to find someone who not only calls me on my shit, but who also deals with his own shit. i love it. he lets me know when i’m crossing a line into taking responsibility for something that’s his, and is careful to not try & direct my own processes which allows me to do the same. it’s challenging. it’s letting me see my own shortcomings. it’s motivating me to confront some crap that i had let go for whatever reason… and the sex is really, really good :)