happeh ded jebus deh

so it's good friday once again, and once again i'm with my extended family "celebrating" easter. i find it rather awkward and bizarre. when we were children the adults were dogmatic and oppressive when it came to easter. sure there were baskets of brightly coloured eggs, and chocolate enough to put a healthy person into shock, but there were also strict rules about clothing choice, fasting, prayer, mass attendance, drinking, television, and so the list continues. and here we sit, me on the laptop while the "adults" watch coronation street, after a rich dinner (still no meat, only fish ::rolls eyes::) which was accompanied by two bottles of merlot and followed by shots of vodka.

so strange how when we were kids the religion was shoved down our throats in spite of tears and protests, but now that we are old enough to choose to stay home from mass, the parents don't fast, drink as much alcohol as they like, wear slacks - or even jeans! - to mass, and spend considerable time debating whether they'll even go at all. if i were still catholic i would be disgusted by their laxity, but being a recovering catholic i'm disgusted by the hypocrisy. if it were such a big deal to force us to comply, why is it so unimportant when there are no children around?

whatever. one of the reasons i left the church is the rigidity and control, and clearly it's a widespread problem. really though, i think changing the rules now shows the desperation, and the earlier mistakes of the church. it also shows how unimportant to the faith, and how fucking political most of the earlier decrees were. if all those requirements of my childhood were really so necessary to please god, would not their mortal souls be in jeopardy? or is this not an indication that many of the church's rules are, in fact, used to control and dominate?

i think so. and i'm glad to be free.