i like romance & i like sex, but i don't like the two combined, thanks very much. the reason? sex is, to some degree, about vulnerability. it requires one to be physically vulnerable, socially vulnerable. throw in emotional vulnerability & it's just too much. seriously. throw out things like, "i want to make love to you," or "please give it a kiss," while pulling out your cock & i'm more likely to laugh, or perhaps gag (in a not-good way) than i am to fuck you.
romantic sex is just so fucking ridiculous. it's this stoopid, societally enforced standard that is wholly unreachable. sex isn't all flowers & cheeseball music. it's the funny noises sweaty bodies make when coming together & pulling apart. it's digging around in your mouth to extract the pubic hair that's worked its way to the back of your tongue. it's fumbling with condoms and searching for more AA batteries. it's real. in-your-body, on-the-ground, real.
so this journal entry continued into some great areas about why i find combining bdsm, sex & dating so incredibly unnerving, but i threw out the paper copy. after doing so i realised i had perhaps not posted it, and was going to retrieve it from the recycling. however, checking & taking things back out of the garbage are both part of my ocd, so i was determined not to give in. the recycling bag went to the curb yesterday, and leaving this post unfinished feels like an awesome act of defiance against ocd. phhhhhhhbt!
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