the last time i had an ex this pathetic & annoying i was 14

after making this blog private yesterday, i logged on to myspace for the first time in months, and made sure my security settings were sound, then removed Poop Face Bear from any applications i had installed, and blocked him from contacting me. i then changed all of my passwords on my online accounts, just in case. i guess once he realised he couldn't get at me directly he started texting cryptic messages to one of my bffs Wren. totally fucking random too, she had to check with me to find out if it was even his number, because it was just so random. something like "when ur doing things think not of what they get u but what they maek u". what the fuck. seriously that is the kind of text i'd expect to get from a 13 year-old girl trying to pick a fight.

i'm so frustrated by his attempts to control me still. we were seeing each other for 5 months, and it's been more than 2 1/2 months since i broke up with him. it's been more than two since i told him i didn't want him in my life & to stop contacting me. how does someone even think it's reasonable or sane to check an ex's blog 6-8 times a day for updates? i understand clicking on the usual links for LOLz & OMGpwnies! a couple times a day, and if this humble blog is on that list i'm flattered. but seriously. how can checking my blog every 2 hours from work & all through the night be seen as anything less than creepy?

i think what i'm really absolutely furious about is that because i know he's been stalking my blog, and my twitter, he knows that my Nana Kay died over the weekend, and that Tuesday i was at her funeral. and that's the fucking day he chooses to post his bullshit on my blog. he is such an incredible coward. he sends these passive aggressive text messages and emails, then acts all nice and innocent when he leaves voice mail. he skulks around on my blog & harasses my friends trying to force me to think about him, when i stopped giving a shit about him a long time ago. he's not even the person i thought i knew. i honestly feel like i might vomit when i think that i once believed i was in love with him.

sometimes it helps to change one's perspective

and seeing the world like my evil kitteh makes me feel better about things. she inspires me to remember that the universe conspires to shower us all with blessings - though i won't go so far as to think the whole world is for me to take advantage of :) she reminds me the simple things matter: cuddles, Reiki, and keeping one's butt warm. she reminds me to stand up for myself when dumb boys get in my face. just the other day my normally 'fraidy-cat girl got very angry that a neighbourhood tomcat has been parking his butt on our back stoop. she growled & hissed for a good time, and when i opened the door to throw water on him she charged out, and attacked him! seriously. 

this is a cat who sometimes hides for a whole day when a new person comes to visit, but she ran out the door & jumped him, causing him to high-tail it out of our yard yowling in terror. i called her & she ran back in the house. i didn't immediately see where she was, and panicked thinking she might be hurt. when i called her name, she sauntered out from under the desk looking awfully pleased with herself, and fur between her claws. she was completely unscathed. holding her tail high. 

i'm glad she took a risk and felt braver for it. i think the recent trip to my parents actually gave her a new sense of confidence. being there for almost five days forced her to confront her anxieties, and eventually she let go a bit. first it was just at night when everyone else was in bed, but on the last evening she came out of the closet to let both my nieces pet her. she even let the littler one scratch her head, rub her ears, and run her hand along the length of her back. awesome. 

back to the dumb boy cat. he's been visiting our back door for going on two years now, and he just doesn't seem to ever take the hint he's not welcome. both girl-cats & girl rabbits growl and slap at the windows when he's there, and once they've let me now he's there i chase him off. he's been soaked by water, and chased for close to a block by me, but the ass-whooping by the eeeevill kitteh seems to have finally driven the point home. he's only come back once, and very briefly. when he saw me coming to the door, he bolted, fearing the wrath that would come next. good.

sometimes one just needs to up the intensity to get rid of an unwelcome presence in one's life. part of me was feeling a little bad about my recent blow-up at Pooh-Bear on the phone, but once again my kitteh brought me back to reality: when a boy is being stupidly persistent & refuses to back off (in spite of being told he is unwelcome in my life), it's both fair, and often necessary to raise my voice and reassert my boundaries. i hope his absence from my feedjit & twitter means he's finally taken the hint to stay off my porch. if not, i'll be ready with a bucket of cold water & a deep growl :)

i'm pregnant!

and if you believed that for even a second, you've forgotten what day it is :P